


i'm scared of what comes next (are you?) | gini one-shot

by trashbutsparkly



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Lesbian Gina Porter, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Nini Salazar-Roberts, gina porter as a non-binary lesbian, hsmtmts, sign me up!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:08:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24667387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashbutsparkly/pseuds/trashbutsparkly
Summary: The musical was a success. Nini got the guy, her friends were now her family. But when Nini accepts the offer to attend a prestigious performing arts school, the Youth Actors’ Conservatory, will all her relationships survive? When it starts to seem like the answer to that question may be no, Nini reaches out to her friend Gina for comfort… and for help with her boyfriend Ricky. What happens when the relationship you’re supposed to be helping to fix becomes a relationship you don’t want to exist at all? That’s something Gina Porter is about to find out.
Relationships: Gina Porter & Nini Salazar-Roberts, Gina Porter/Nini Salazar-Roberts
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	i'm scared of what comes next (are you?) | gini one-shot

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I don't know if anyone will actually read this thing, but if you do- bear with me. This is the first fic I've ever written and the timeline is def a wreck but I did my best! I didn't expect it to be so long, but I've got a soft spot for gini and figured I'd give it a try. Hopefully you guys enjoy :)  
> With love and warmth,  
> MA

It had been a month since the East High drama club had staged their production of High School Musical: The Musical. Sure, it had been full of last minute cast changes and quite frankly, was one of the most unprofessional productions the club had ever put on-- but by the end of it, the cast was on cloud nine. They had found a family; it was one they fought for, from saving their teacher after her sketchy past came out to working out last minute staging after an electrical fire destroyed their set. The play had been their baby, and they took off to Denny’s to celebrate and to cry-- A LOT.

But Nini’s tears had an undercurrent guiding their flow. A scout from the Youth Actor’s Conservatory, invited by her best friend Kourtney, had somehow found a deep appreciation for the girl’s unique voice, and offered her a spot beginning the next semester. Amazing, right? But there was one tiny problem. The school was in Denver. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t tiny. 520 miles from Salt Lake, 8 long hours by car. She kept getting pulled out of her haze, reminded that she was still at Denny’s and was supposed to be celebrating. She continued smiling and laughing to mask the fact that her brain was currently engaged in the most intense game of tug-of-war. How could she leave her family? But how could she pass up the opportunity of a lifetime. To hone her craft, challenge herself. To discover who she was outside of dumb boys? The stoplights of her familiar SLC life had turned green. So why did she still feel stopped-- stuck? 

_Ricky._

Ricky was why she felt so stuck. After an ugly breakup and a showmance reunion, Ricky had finally decided to say he loved her. It was one hell of a speech he gave after the show, just minutes before receiving the news about YAC. He told her that he had loved her this whole time, from the moment she sang a silly little song about clouds. He was her boyfriend again, and they had a ton of history. 

But ultimately, Nini decided she needed to go. They could do long distance. _Couldn’t they?_

The group spent their last month together in bliss, soaking up each other’s company in either Ashlyn’s house (and now Gina’s too) or Red’s basement. They spent the days drinking hot chocolate and scarfing down Gina’s endless gluten free and vegan recipes (all taken from youtube, of course). They alternated between rounds of spicy uno and games of High School Musical: the Choosical. They even ditched their families immediately after Christmas morning presents to huddle up at Red’s. But now, Christmas break was over. It was cloudy that day, a month later, as Nini packed the last box of her belongings into the trunk. Her friends were hanging back on the sidewalk, all very obviously holding back tears. She turned around to give each of them a hug and to say her final goodbyes. Of course, they each left her with some encouragement.

 **Carlos:** “You’re gonna thank me for my teaching style as choreographer when you’re there. I’ll be expecting my check!”

 **Seb:** “You’re going to have so much fun! Text me for pictures of the cows whenever you’re having a bad day!”

 **EJ:** “I’m glad things didn’t end up so weird between us. I told you that you were meant to be a leading lady.”

 **Ashlyn:** “To think, you could have been my cousin! But somehow we’re still family. I picked this up for you.” She kept talking as Nini undid a ribbon tied around a pink mesh bag to reveal a small amethyst stone. “It looked just like one I have from my grandma and I charged it with some of that same energy. It’s for clarity, ya know when you’re left wondering…” She looked at the ground as she finished her goodbye, “...And to remind you of us.”  
Nini hugged the girl tight, sniffling into the girl’s red hair.

 **Red:** “Your spot in the basement will be waiting! You’re gonna do great!”

 **Kourtney:** “I wouldn’t have called that scout to come to the show if I didn’t think you would be amazing. Remember Neens, you were born to be brave. I expect frequent calls and DEFINITELY call me for any fashion emergencies. Please, no pigtails, leg warmers, and kitten heels. I will haul ass to Denver and burn them if I catch a glimpse on social media!” She wrapped Nini in a tight hug, and despite being the shorter of the two, lifted Nini off the ground giving her a little spin. “I love you,” she squealed.

Nini and Ricky had said their goodbyes the night before. They’ve known each other since they were kids, so her moms were fine with him sleeping over. Well, there wasn’t much sleeping. They stayed up tearfully replaying the memories Ricky had mentioned in his infamous speech. And making plans to FaceTime every day and maybe even write letters to each other. The last time Nini was leaving for a while was right before the breakup, for theater camp. And Ricky had asked for a break. While she knew that part of it was his inability to express his feelings in response to her “I love you,” a part of her wondered if it was also an inability to deal with distance. She needed the reassurance that he wasn’t going to run away again- that there would still be an “us.” So he spent the night holding her close, and as she drifted off to sleep, she pushed the thought away, deciding to hold onto this moment. After spending the whole night talking, their goodbye on the sidewalk was brief. She quickly kissed him, whispering, “I’ll text you the whole ride and call you as soon as we get my room set up.” 

There was one goodbye left. Gina had hung back from the rest of the group, eyes fixed on the ground and hands behind her back. Nini wasn’t sure why the girl looked so hesitant. She thought they were past their little feud- the one that had started when Nini beat out triple threat Gina for the role of Gabriella in the musical. Why wouldn’t she look at her? But Nini was nothing if not persistent. She put on her bubbliest smile and bounced towards the girl.

“You okay, Gina?! I’m gonna miss you but I’ll be back on any long weekends or breaks!”

Gina finally looked up, locking eyes with the shorter girl. She nodded slowly and mumbled, barely audible, “I brought you something.”

It was a small envelope with three things inside. The first, a polaroid from Thanksgiving, the night of what should have been her first sleepover that instead ended in her mom telling her she’d be leaving SLC, the one place that she felt like she might be able to call home. “I asked Ashlyn for it when I left. She scanned a copy for herself and let me have it. I know I sort of fell off the face of the earth for a little bit, but I thought of you guys every day I was gone. I thought maybe you’d need the same.” Nini tried to hold it together as her eyes started to sting with tears. She knew she was going to miss them more than they could ever know. The second was a photo someone had taken of them as Taylor and Gabriella during the show. They were playing best friends, but Gina knew their friendship was real and she was sad to be letting it go. The last thing was a watercolor painting of some fluttering butterflies. She didn’t know why she had started associating the girl with the little winged beauties. _Yet._ She swallowed hard. “Not really sure about that one, but I made it for you.” Nini held the small bundle of treasures close to her chest before jumping on Gina, taking her by surprise and almost knocking her down to the ground.

After finding their footing, they hugged a bit longer- only separating when one of Nini’s moms honked the horn while yelling, “Sweetie, if we’re gonna get there before its pitch black we’ve gotta get going.”

Nini took off, waving one last goodbye to her friends. She hopped in the car and as the car pulled away from the curb, all that was heard was a chorus of “love you”s until the car was out of sight. The group huddled on the sidewalk in something that resembled a loose group hug, sharing in their collective bit of sadness, before leaving Nini’s house.

* * *

The gang had found a new normal, without their tiny ball of energy bouncing all over the place. It seems like Ricky really hadn’t been staying in the drama club just for Nini last semester, as he decided to audition for the spring production of _Beauty and the Beast._ He was still adjusting to his parents’ divorce and to his mom’s new boyfriend, but aside from hanging with his friends and rehearsing for the musical, he could be found in Big Red’s basement. They were best friends after all, and Big Red always enjoyed his company, even if he felt invisible sometimes. Red and Ashlyn, who had also gotten together after opening night of the musical, had decided they were better off as friends. They had got a little swept up in actually being acknowledged instead of just being a sidekick. They still hung out often. Red showing off new tap routines and Ashlyn showing him scribbles of her next Sara Bareilles-esque hit. Kourtney was around more often than not. Before, for some reason, she had always felt like Nini’s plus one in some ways. But she was blossoming. After hearing the amazing pipes on that girl, Miss Jenn- the drama teacher- gave her the role of Belle before the last note of her audition song left her lips. That meant less time backstage and more time with her friends. She had grown quite close to Ashlyn, but also Gina. She was grateful to have another black girl in the mix. (And she loved Nini to death but she was also thrilled to have someone that didn’t drone on and on about boys.) Plus, they were able to bounce natural hair tips and styling ideas off of each other. No shade, but she DESPISED that hump that Gina had so often worn on her head.

Ricky would tag along with Red to see Gina. Ever since she convinced him to stick it out and continue the musical, he had a soft spot for her. She was just so easy to talk to, not to mention a sight for sore eyes. He never quite processed what that kiss on the cheek after homecoming meant, but hanging out with her always gave him a sense of warmth and comfort. She constantly made fun of him, but whenever he was clearly in a funk, she was quick to switch into support mode. After all, they understood each other. Change sucked, family could suck even more. EJ was always over at Ashlyn’s, taking on the role of big brother to Ashlyn and Gina. This was a family that didn’t suck so much. Plus, who didn’t love having EJ around to make fun of. Carlos and Seb were living out their honeymoon phase a bit separate from the group, but they all came together for game nights every Friday. 

It had been about another month since Nini had left for YAC. Adjusting to being away from home and an entirely different brand of workload had been rough on her. The only one she made the conscious effort to reach out to was Ricky. She wasn’t trying to ice them out, but the group only got sporadic messages in the group chat. The occasional snapchat. They only really knew what was going on through her instagram stories and the occasional update from Ricky. Truth be told, underneath her anxiety about school was a fear that if she engaged fully with them, she wouldn’t be able to stick it out. She’d hear about all their hangs, about the musical, and she’d run right back. Sure, it was selfish but she felt like it was an act of self-preservation.

But today, she was exceptionally homesick. She hadn’t talked to Ricky in days. The last few times she called, he hadn’t picked up. And tonight, she had been searching through her drawers for her hair straightener when something caught her eye. Another thing she had pushed aside to forget about home. The envelope from Gina with the stone from Ashlyn sat on top of it. She plucked out the envelope, holding it in her hands for what felt like an eternity before opening it up. The envelope still had the faintest hint of coconut and vanilla from Gina’s beautiful head of curls. She took out the envelope’s contents. Her body felt like it was made of lead. She grabbed the stone and held it tight in one hand as she sat on the edge of her bed and let herself sink. She laid down, holding her knees to her chest, the 3 pictures beside her. This was what she was trying to avoid. She had finally broken down, and a month’s worth of tears flooded from her eyes. 

When she had finally calmed down enough to sit up, she picked up her phone. She checked all her friends’ socials, and finally looked at the group chat. She was happy for them, proud of them. It looked like the beginning stages of their _Beauty and the Beast_ prep was setting them up for a magical show. But they were the most exceptional, magical group of people she knew. She expected nothing less. She opened up her contacts list. She scanned past everyone’s name, but it was only Gina’s contact that her finger hovered over. Maybe it was the thought of her going away present that was lingering, but Nini had a feeling she would have landed on her name anyway.  
She couldn’t let Gina see her red face and puffy eyes. She looked like she had been hit by a train. So she settled for a phone call. But from the first hello, hearing Nini’s raw voice and a sniffle she was unable to hide, Gina could tell something was wrong. She quickly shifted into protection mode.

“Nini, please tell me what’s wrong. And don’t you dare lie to me and tell me it’s nothing.”  
Oh no, the tears were back. Between sobs, all she could get out was a whisper. “Gi, I miss home.”  
Gina was silent. This was something she couldn’t fix and for a perfectionist and a fierce protector, it was a hard pill to swallow.  
Nini broke the silence. “I know, it’s stupid to feel like this. I’m the one that decided to come here. I should be able to figure it out- figure out how to survive here.”  
“Neens, it’s okay to not be okay. I know back on opening night for HSM, I told you the secret is to act like you know what you’re doing, but with this- it’s okay to not know how to deal or what’s next.”  
She waited a second before adding, “I do have a question, though. You’re calling... me? Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy to hear from you. I’m just… surprised.” She really was happy to hear from her. Perhaps her compulsion to paint butterflies for Nini was a premonition of what the girl would set aflutter in her today.  
Suddenly, Nini was self-conscious. The truth was she didn’t know why she called Gina before Kourtney or Ricky. But Gina Porter was her friend, and she was being pulled to her. Her lola always told her to trust her gut, and right now her gut was saying that only Gina could help her through this. She realized she hadn’t answered the question. She quickly responded, “Sorry, sorry - I spaced. But don’t be silly, Gi. You’re part of the home I miss. We’re friends.”  
“I’m glad I can be here for you.” She paused before adding, “So you didn’t call Ricky?”  
“You know boys are dumb,” she said with a chuckle. “Besides, he hasn’t really been taking my calls lately.”  
“What the fuck? I know rehearsals have been picking up and I guess it’s apparently exhausting to be LeFou. But otherwise, he’s just been going to the skatepark by himself and smoking in Red’s basement when he’s not with us. That’s literally no reason to be ignoring his insanely beautiful girlfriend.”  
_Shit._ She hoped she didn’t notice the compliment that slipped out. She just couldn’t help it. For some reason, she was happy Nini thought of her. Had they been on Facetime, Gina would have seen Nini’s cheeks go bright red. She was glad it was Gi she decided to call, and something about hearing Gina call her insanely beautiful made her heart skip a beat.  
“I’ll talk to him,” Gina promised after a moment.  
“I’m gonna try and get some sleep now. I’m a little cried out. But, Gi?”  
“Yeah, Neens?”  
“Thank you… For being here.”  
“Don’t worry about it. Always a call away.”  
Nini stared at her phone after hanging up. _So this is what Ricky liked so much about her. She’s so… easy. To talk to, to want to be around._

The next day at school, Gina asked Ricky to skip the beginning of their lunch period so they could talk. She dragged him into an empty classroom. Before he could ask any questions, she punched him in the arm.

“What the hell, Ricky!”  
"Gina, what are you talking about?"  
"Care to share why your girlfriend hasn’t heard from you in a week?"  
He ran his fingers through his curly brown hair, and scratched at the back of his neck. "Right. I’m not trying to hurt her. I just… I don’t know."  
"You don’t get to 'not know' when her feelings are at stake. Jesus Christ, Ricky. You did this to her before, this running away. Don’t you know what it’s like to lose someone? And how much more that sucks when it’s without a fucking word?” She hadn’t planned to explode on him like this, but it had stirred something in her. It wasn’t just that seeing Nini hurt made her wanna tear down anyone and everyone responsible. It was that she was all too familiar with that pain. Her dad had left. Without a proper goodbye. Leaving her to wonder- is it me that’s unlovable? Is it me that drives people away? It’s why she never planned to get close to anyone. It was the reason for her near impenetrable shell. Impenetrable until this silly little musical and its cast weaseled their way into her heart. She never expected things to go as they had at East High. She looked down, grief and sadness washing over her. “My dad... your mom. Ricky, don’t do this.”

Ricky knew she was right. He had felt just as abandoned by his mom. He couldn’t deny that he loved Nini, but he was almost relieved to have her out of sight, out of mind. He hadn’t admitted it to himself yet, but he was only inspired to work for her forgiveness and their relationship when he saw her with EJ. He wanted what he couldn’t have. He couldn’t control his mom and dad’s marriage, but maybe he could control his relationship with Nini. He could keep her close, the way he wished his dad would have with his mom. But after hearing Gina, he didn’t want to hurt her. “You’re right, Gi. I’ll fix this.”

They made their way to their friends’ table. The group raised their eyebrows, “Where have you guys been?”  
Gina forced out a laugh. “You know this dumbass, had to help him finish his algebra homework before last period. Someone opted for the skatepark instead of his books”  
Red giggled, “Not surprised.”  
But realistically, Gina still had a pit in her stomach. Something was off with Ricky, and she didn’t want either of her friends hurt.

* * *

Nini had been calling Gina more frequently now. She was still swamped with school. And endlessly exhausted. Especially on a day with dance class. She was no Gina, and teaching a girl who had the grace of a newborn deer would be hard for even the most seasoned teacher. But when she had a few extra minutes, it was Gina that helped Nini cope. Those bouncy curls and the smile that softened just the tiniest bit for Nini. And the laugh she let out even when Nini’s jokes were beyond terrible. Those were her little slices of home. Ricky had been making more of an effort lately, calling and texting. And Nini wanted to get swept back up. _Right?_ But he was still somewhat distant, and she was starting to feel it, too. But she couldn’t pinpoint it. _Fake it til we make it, right? Yeah, that should do it._

But for Nini, Gina just felt so familiar. There was no distance between the two. She couldn’t believe they were ever at each other’s throats. She was so grateful for the Thanksgiving potluck when she went to grab a root beer from the fridge and was met with Gina in the kitchen. Where Gina didn’t bolt out, but instead sat on the counter with that same soft smile Nini looked forward to every day. That truce gave her a friend. And a great one at that. So why were these calls feeling a little more scary. What could be so scary-- maybe the endless swirling in her gut when Gina’s contact photo popped up for a FaceTime. It was a picture of Gina’s beautiful laugh, with Nini facing her sticking out her tongue. God, they were such dorks. 

Gina loved hearing from Nini, too. But her mind was frequently half somewhere else. _What was up with Ricky?_ And today, Nini was asking the same question. Although she’d brush it off, Nini admitted that things still felt weird. But Gina couldn’t brush it off. She racked her brain. Gina understands him to a degree, that’s why they had gotten close in the first place. Maybe he felt what she did. She had just found a good girl friend. Well, a lot of good friends actually. But Nini was the one that looked through her facade. Nini was one of the first people to stand up to her. Granted, it took her some time and some petty theft, but still. But then she left. As if her life wasn’t already a revolving door for people to go in and out of. _Why wouldn’t he be upset? Right?_

She flashed back to opening night. To when she talked to Nini backstage after surprising the cast for what was meant to be one night only after abruptly moving away. She flashed back to Nini trusting her to get her through an anxiety-filled moment. To the lingering hug, and Nini’s thumbs stroking her back. To how she couldn’t help but lean deeper into the moment and find a home on Nini’s shoulder. She thought about how the pang in her heart was deeper during the second goodbye. Back on the sidewalk. Another hug that lasted maybe a little too long. When did the disappearing Gina act become the disappearing Nina act?

She was broken out of her haze by Nini’s squeak. “Gina? Are you still with me? Earth to Gina! No ideas on what’s up with Ricky?”  
Gina quickly shoved those memories aside. She couldn’t think about whatever _this_ was. She didn’t wanna influence Nini one way or another. Ricky was her friend and so was Nini. She didn’t want to be the one to point out that clearly, Ricky had put a bandaid over the problem rather than admit what was really going on. If he was invested, he wouldn’t hang her out to dry. He’s better than that. She settled on neutrality, telling Nini that only she can know what she’s feeling and what’s best for her. She knew it was the right thing to do, but why did she want so badly for her to let him go?

When the call ended, Nini laid down and stared up, eyes fixed on a tiny chip in the ceiling.  
Something was different. This couldn’t be right. There’s no way she was feeling what she’s feeling. There’s no way that she was disappointed that Gina didn’t just give her the green light to break up with him. _Why did she want so badly for Gina to tell her to let him go?_  
She could do nothing but think. She thought about who she’d been spilling her guts to this whole time. Who she had been calling to share her newly learned (and pretty terrible) cockney accent with. (It was an accent that made Gina cackle, as she teased Nini that she should switch up her normal nervous British accent to that one.) She thought about who she wanted to be at the YAC showcase sitting with Kourt, her moms, and her lola.  
She tried to assure herself. _She’s your friend, Nini. A best friend, now. This is nothing new._

* * *

It was a Saturday afternoon and Kourtney, Ashlyn, and Gina were holed up in the living room under a shared blanket, Ashlyn in the middle with popcorn in her lap. Her arm was against Kourtney’s, their knees brushing against each other, too. The two liked being close but no one said it out loud. They were deciding on what Disney movie they wanted to watch when Gina’s phone rings, playing Stuck by the Aces. Gina pulls out her phone. “Shit, I have to take this. Just pick without me.”  
“Don’t complain when it’s something you hate!” Ashlyn shouts as Gina rushes to her room. She comes back a few minutes later, a forlorn look on her face. Nini, in a desperate attempt to shove aside the feelings for Gina she had yet to acknowledge, decided that she was the one making it weird with Ricky. She called to tell Gina her solution: this time she needed to reach out to him and make it work.

Kourtney and Ashlyn flashed a knowing look at each other. They had to take care of Gina. Kourtney couldn’t ignore this one. She had gotten so close to Gina and she couldn’t just watch her sulk. “Gina, what’s going on? Don’t lie to us.”  
She hesitated, but ultimately decided it was best to share. Kourtney was persistent. (If you had ever seen her talk about bringing down the patriarchy, you would know- that girl is COMMITTED to the things she cares about.) With a deep sigh, Gina asks, “Have you talked to Nini?” Ashlyn took a look at the two of them and figured it was best that she leave this conversation to the two of them. She loved Nini, but these two were much closer to her.  
Kourtney was visibly a bit frustrated. She was enjoying her freedom from the sidekick role. Nini being gone had allowed her to come first for a bit and she was definitely having fun. And being the lead in the musical was something she never thought she’d love as much as she had. But with all this excitement, she still wanted to share it with Nini. Not just in the occasional text or in group chats and tweets.

Nini never meant to be selfish. Sorting through her feelings was not her forte and she tended to spill out onto the people closest to her. And she often forgot that not everyone was like that; some people won’t move to take up space unless it is welcomed, unless someone finally takes the time to ask. But honestly, she loved hard and she loved deeply. She trusted Kourtney with her life and as the years went on, that sense of permanence led her to take Kourtney’s presence for granted sometimes. But she always recognized that Kourtney’s talent was vast, diverse, and truly ridiculous- in the best sense of the word.

Kourtney finally spoke up. “Okay, so she didn’t call me, but what I don’t get is why not Ricky? You know I ride for you and you’re amazing but this isn’t the first time I’ve heard that ringtone going off in your room. Or you scurrying off after grinning at your phone.”  
Gina started out hesitantly, “I don’t feel like it’s my business to share but I’m sure you’ve noticed Ricky is on his own planet. And not exactly making the time to talk to her. And I don’t really know why it’s me she chose, and chooses, to call. But I’m not mad at it. I’m just trying to be there for her. She deserves someone to support her. She’s 8 hours away without any of her friends, at a new school with an intensive program. If Ricky won’t do it, I can’t just leave her there. I can’t leave her alone, Kourt..” Her curls fell in front of her face as she dropped her head into her hand. “It hurts too much- being alone. I never want her to have to feel that.” Before she knows it, she’s unloading all the things that have tumbled around in her head, particles that had been desperately waiting for an opening.  
The word vomit tumbled out and there was no shoving it back in. “She’s given me so much. As much as I’ve given to her. I’ve opened up to her. She knows more than even Ash, and Ash is basically my sister at this point. She knows about my dad. About every single place I’ve lived. About the pressure Mom constantly puts on me. About my dreams for my future and why I’m so afraid of them being derailed. I let myself love her. Like really, really love her. She’s not just my best friend.”  
Kourtney scooted over on the couch until she was next to Gina, whose body was now shaking. She put her hand on her friend’s knee. 

“Look at me, Gina. You’re here. You’re okay.”

The girl lifted her head, tears in her eyes as the realization hit her. Not only did she finally admit it, but she said it out loud to another person.

Her voice was frantic now. “Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. I’ve tried to avoid this my whole life. This isn’t the perfect life my mom would want from me. I know Carlos and Seb are together, but people treat people like me--” Her voice had gone down to a low hush as she said those last three words before continuing her stream of consciousness as she had before. “They treat us like we don’t- no, like we shouldn’t exist.” Gina had an idea that she was queer for quite some time- specifically a nonbinary lesbian. But it was a truth she had desperately tried to avoid. Another benefit of never getting too close to anyone- they couldn’t reject her for who she was.

**_Fuck, East High had really wrecked her plans._ **

Kourtney couldn’t help but let out a low chuckle. “Sorry. I’m not laughing at you. But Gina- it’s the drama club. We might as well put queer on the club t-shirts. I don’t like categories. You know, why limit yourself to one thing, right? But if you have one in mind, I support you 100%.”  
Gina looked at Kourtney with eyes that silently thanked her. After a bit, she let out “Yeah, I think lesbian sounds good. Maybe nonbinary, too. But I want to think about it some more before telling everyone.”  
“Your secret's safe with me. Plus Gina, you’re a little oblivious. Your cupcakes are good and all but I think we both know there’s an added motivation to my coming here to hang out.” With a wink, she adds “Like I was saying - we’re here, we’re queer.” And as if on cue, Ashlyn walks in. “Am I good to come in?” Gina smiles, “Yeah, feeling a lot better thanks to this one. She’s a keeper.” Ashlyn sits back down, a red hue streaked across her cheeks.

On that last call, the one right before Gina’s epiphany, Gi had mentioned to Nini that Kourtney was over. Nini knew she had waited way too long to call her best friend for a little one-on-one catch up. She was nervous that Kourt would be upset, but finally she sucked it up and called.  
There was barely an exchange of hello’s before Kourtney hit her with an “Okay, Nini. Spill. It’s been obvious you’re somewhat off, but what’s really going on?”  
Nini started off telling Kourtney about school. All the differences between East High and YAC. She asked about _Beauty and the Beast_ hoping to dodge any talk of Ricky. But Kourtney knew Nini needed to get it out. So she took the straight-forward approach.  
“And Ricky?” she asks bluntly.

Nini couldn’t help but start to list all the things he’s not- engaged, attentive, supportive of her school transition, witty. They were best friends, and now it was like they were barely friends. Even the brown curls that topped his head weren’t having the same effect on her. She’d much rather Gina’s tight curls. God, the way they flipped and bounced, doing their own dance as Gina served routine after routine in the TikTok’s Nini had watched way more than she’d like to admit. She got lost in those thoughts of Gina and before she knew it, something slipped out. “I just wish he was more like Gina.” _OOPS._ She quickly tried to backpedal. “You know, she’s just smart and cool and nice to talk to. Such a good friend!” That nervous british accent slipped out as she let out that last bit.  
Kourtney smirked. “NINI! How long have I known you? That accent never escapes me. There’s something else going on here, whether you want to talk about it or not.”

Nini let out a deep sigh.  
“Why can’t things be simpler? Like they used to be, singing our heads off on the way to school. I miss you guys, Kourt. So much. And I was so afraid to let you in because I didn’t want to come running back. I wanted to prove I’m not just that boy-crazy Nini who couldn’t even see past herself and appreciate her friends. Especially you, Kourt. I’m so sorry I didn’t call.” Sobs were now overtaking her body in waves.  
“Neens, I will never not be here for you. Sure, you were a little… preoccupied. But also, I never stood up for myself and acknowledged all that I could do until recently. Don’t do that now, don’t fade into the shadows. I didn’t work my butt off getting that scout to show up and get you in there for you to throw it away because things are tough right now.”  
Kourtney loved Nini and Gina so much. But she knew them both well enough at this point to know this was something they needed to figure out themselves. “I won’t push you on the whole Gina thing, but I think you know what you need to do.”

* * *

That night, Nini had finally mustered the courage to dial Ricky’s number. He actually picked up this time. Looking at his face, she knew they had been over long before this call. But she needed to say it. He needed to hear it.  
“Ricky, you won me back by trying. And you jumped back into my heart with a speech about clouds. But my head isn’t in those silly little clouds anymore. We can’t exist in that same bubble where we don’t worry about words because we can just kiss instead. For fucks sake, I’m in Denver. Words are all I have.”  
He holds back his tears. His voice cracks as he squeaks out just four words. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” She wanted to be mad that he didn’t say more, but truth be told, she was relieved. 

She decided to call it a night. She would call Gi in the morning. And so she did. Gina was still reeling from her admission. She loved Nini. How was she supposed to play it cool? She couldn’t harp on it for too long because Nini is bursting at the seams with her news. Before Gina could even say hello, Nini blurted out, “I did it. I broke up with him.” Gina’s body suddenly relaxed, relief settling into every inch of her body. She tried to hold back a smile. “Are you okay?”  
“I’m more than okay. It’s been over for a long time, Gi. I love him of course. But as my childhood best friend. There’s more for me out there. He was just familiar. And sometimes you need to go for what isn’t- for what scares the living daylights out of you because you don’t know what comes next.” 

Nini caught herself. If she kept talking, she knew she’d let the cat out of the bag. That it was Gina that scared her, that made her want to know what comes next. That she was in love with not just anyone, but with Gina. If only she knew that all Gina could think was that she wanted to go for that same scary thing.  
Nini quickly tried to redirect the conversation. She switched to talking about her upcoming showcase and everything she was doing to rehearse. Gina could have listened to her talk all day. She only chimed in once to say, “I know you thought I was just trying to sabotage you during the HSM production, and of course a part of me really was feeling competitive, but I pushed you because I had faith in you. I still do. Don’t sweat it, lovely. You’ll kick some ass.”  
Nini’s stomach was doing the backflips and high kicks that Gina had always so beautifully done, those same ones she hated Gi for trying to push her to do.

That night, Gina couldn’t focus on anything. That last conversation with Nini felt different. _I know I’m probably wrong and this will be a dumb pining lesbian unrequited love story. But what if. No, I can’t think about that._ She shook her head, hoping the thought would tumble out of her ears somehow and into the void. 

Despite their complete oblivion that their feelings were mutual, it was hard to hold back the flirtation. It was less subtle now and they spent every spare moment talking to each other. And it didn’t go unnoticed. Gina was constantly getting roasted by the group. Everyone’s favorite choreographer Carlos was breathing down her neck for every distraction. “Remember when those high kicks made me fear decapitation? I want that back! It’s Friday, the last rehearsal of the week. Put the phone down and get it together or I revoke snack privileges at game night. Ashlyn, back me up?” Ashlyn and Kourtney snickered as she shouted across the stage, “Absolutely!”  
“Sorry, sorry. I’m coming,” Gina huffed.

She had managed to get back into the zone at rehearsal well enough to maintain her snack privileges. She tried to bury herself in popcorn and chips. But still, as the night went on, she knew there was something she wanted to do.  
As they all returned from their latest trip to the kitchen, gluten free cupcakes in hand, they settled into their respective spots in Ashlyn’s living room. Gina cleared her throat and let out an “Um, guys.” It came out louder than she meant to and her voice cracked, but the group all looked at her attentively. “I need to tell you something,” she said at a much lower volume.  
“We’re listening, little sis,” piped up EJ with an encouraging smile. Everyone nodded in agreement.  
“So I was wondering…” She hesitated. Her mouth had gone dry. She took a second and looked up, sweeping the curls she let fall into her face to the side. She swallowed hard. “I was wondering if you guys could start using she/they pronouns for me.”  
Seb couldn’t contain himself, “Another enby?! Welcome to the club!”  
Carlos nudged him in the side, “Babe! We know I love the spotlight, but even I know it's her moment!!”  
Gina let out a laugh. They were grateful for the moment of levity. “No, no. I’m happy to feel like I belong. I couldn’t ask for a better family.” In one sweeping movement, there were bodies all around Gina, sweeping them into the biggest hug. They wiggled their way out, giggling as they said “I love you all, but there’s more!” Their friends stepped back as Kourtney said, “Oh, girl-” She stopped herself. “Wait, is it still okay to call you that?”  
“Yup, I’m okay with that. Thanks for asking.”  
“Okay, good. You know we get a little excited. We’re so proud of you! Alright, sorry! You were saying?”  
Gina straightened up and in one quick breath, as if the words had been waiting to come out for an eternity, “I’m a lesbian.” Smiles lit up around the room.  
Red broke the silence, “Can we hug you now?!” followed by a “PLEASE!” coming from Ashlyn. The group looked at them expectantly.  
They let out a breath they didn’t know they had been holding, and welcomed the love of their friends with outstretched arms. “Bring it on in, weirdos!”

Before heading out, Ricky asked Gina if he could talk to them for a second. Suddenly there was a pit in Gina’s stomach.  
“I’m so proud of you. But I do have a question. Soooo, does Nini have anything to do with this newfound openness? I have eyes and ears, you know.”  
They couldn’t look him in the eyes. They felt guilty. He was their best friend. And they had a deep love for him.  
“Seriously, Gina. We’re all good— I’m kind of relieved. I love you both but I can’t be that person for either of you. Pluuuuuus I may have eyes for someone else.” His eyes flickered over to Red, as he shook his head. “He’s one pal who I really undervalued.” Gina’s eyes opened wide, as they finally made eye contact with the boy. Ricky continued with a smile, “She makes a great girlfriend, and you deserve her.”  
Gina mumbled, “I just hope she thinks so, too.”  
Ricky laughed, “I may be a disaster bi, but you are a dumb lesbian! We can all see it. All you guys do is flirt.”  
Gina smiled to themself, “I guess we do, huh. I just have to wait til the time is right. I don’t know if you all forgot, but she’s in Denver.”  
“You’ll find a way,” he said with a quick squeeze of their shoulder before dropping his skateboard to the ground and taking off.

Gina had to tell Nini. It was weird to have the whole group know something that Nini didn’t. Nini was their vault, for all their secrets. So as soon as they got home, they called her. Nini had already gone to bed but she woke up instantly to Gina’s ringtone, a grin spread across her face. She was definitely clouded with sleep, but she couldn’t figure out what Gina’s mood was. Was this nervousness? Gina blurted out, “I need to tell you something.” Nini shot up in her bed with worry. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”  
“Don’t worry, lovely. It’s nothing bad, I just need you to know. You know everything about me and I want you to know this, too.”  
“I’m honored to know even the smallest bit of you, Gina Porter. What’s on your mind?”  
“I’ve been thinking and I think I’m a…” Suddenly, Gina was holding their breath. And Nini was, too. Nini wanted to tell her it was okay, but clearly this is something Gina needed to let out at her own pace. Nini let out her breath and flashed an encouraging smile at Gina.  
“I’m a she/they lesbian!” They had never seen Nini’s face light up so quickly.  
“I’m so proud of you! Thank you for sharing that with me. I always want you to be yourself. Because yourself is pretty darn cool. You’re the neatest girl I know! Sorry, sorry. I mean- the neatest person I know? Did I get that right? I only wanna use terms that make you comfy!”  
Gina smiled, “I’m still okay with the term girl, at least for now. I’m still trying to figure it all out. I told everyone else today, too. I thought about phoning you in. But I wanted you to find out from just me.”  
“I’m here with you every step of the way. I don’t want to take away from your moment, because this is such a big deal! But I feel like there’s something I should tell you, too.”  
“Go ahead. Tell me.”  
“No one else knows yet, or at least I don’t think, but I’m pan.” The girl was still smiling, but it was clear she was anxiously awaiting Gina’s reaction.  
“NINI! I know how hard it was for me and how coming out today was kinda super overwhelming. I’m so proud of you! And I am honored to have the privilege of being someone you trusted enough to share this with.”  
“No one else I’d rather share everything with. Stay on until I fall back asleep?”  
“Of course.”  
In the air surrounding the two was a budding hopefulness. That night, they shared the same thought. _Maybe they really could like me back._

* * *

With Gina’s constant encouragement, Nini was back in full swing with the group. Typing a million miles a minute in the group chat, and always being the one to initiate a group FaceTime. One night, after the group hung up, the phone rang again before she even had a chance to put it down. _Ricky._ “Hey,” she said softly.  
“Hey Neens, I just want you to listen for a second, okay? I know how great Gina is. Heck, I liked her for a bit when I thought there was no hope for us. She’s understanding and so soft underneath that hard exterior and leather jacket. Plus, we all know how pretty she is.”  
Nini was momentarily offended at his admission, but as soon as she pictured the girl, she had to admit he was right. There was no way to not like her. She had noticed from the first moment they met, even when Gina seemed like she was out for blood.  
“I’m destined to be someone’s problematic white boy of the month and I can be okay with that. I’ll still be grateful to have both of you in my life as _buddies_ ,” Ricky said with a giggle.

* * *

There was a mid-winter recess coming up and Nini was going to get to return to her favorite place and her favorite people. Especially Gina. The anticipation was clawing at both of them. But until then, Nini and Gina wanted to relish in what had become their favorite pastime. It was something they had started to do early on in their growing friendship but didn’t think much of. However, the last night before Nini was set to come home, Nini wanted to share how much it meant to her. Every night, they’d go outside to look up at the sky together via FaceTime. They liked to try and spot the moon. Because miles apart, they could be looking at the same thing. They could be together somehow. Nini had installed a moon tracker app on her phone. And tonight it was set to be a new moon. There would be nothing to see, but they would go out anyway. And tonight Nini wanted to tell Gina why she thinks this viewing is the most special of all. They were in silence, each was laid in a grassy patch with a phone propped up beside them. They were supposed to be looking up together, but Nini couldn’t take her eyes off Gina’s profile. They were stunning, even when Nini could barely make her out in the blanket of night sky.

“Hey, Gi.”  
“Yeah, Neens?”  
“You know how it’s a new moon tonight but we came out anyway?”  
“Mhm, can’t break the routine.”  
“Well..” She bit her lip trying to muster up the courage to share the sentiment that filled her head. “It’s not just a routine. Whenever it’s a new moon, it’s a new start. To me, it’s a reminder that even in the darkest moments there would always be light and fullness ahead. Heck, our first meeting deeeeefinitely had some tension, but we got our clean state. I guess what I’m saying is that even when I’m unsure and I don’t know what exactly is coming next, at least I know a full moon is coming. I always know that. You’re my bright, beautiful full moon that everything leads up to. Honestly, you’re every single star in the sky. You’re the whole freakin’ galaxy!! Well, you’re my galaxy at least.”  
Gina picked up the phone and pressed it to her chest, before lifting it to her face. “Sorry I had to hug you real quick! Nini Salazar-Roberts, you are truly spectacular. And I wouldn’t trade you for the entire universe.”  
The two stared at their respective skies, soft smiles gracing their lips as they let warmth flood their bodies.

* * *

It was finally the day! It had taken all day to get home, but the minute she crossed into Salt Lake, Nini knew every trip home would be worth it. Nini was a little scared to see everyone, though. They had figured out life without her and she feared that although calls and texts were going well, things wouldn’t quite go back to normal.  
The group planned to jump right back into what they had always done. Hang out at Ashlyn’s and have a sleepover after. Nini arrived a little later than everyone else. She took a little time with her moms. They had missed her just as much as everyone else. And she was secretly glad to have a little extra time to decide what she would do when she saw Gina.

When she got to Ashlyn’s, it was EJ that opened the door. Bursting with energy, she hugged him as she said hello. She had barely let go when she spotted Gina, looking more beautiful than ever. Nini could swear they were glowing. The small brown-haired girl practically took flight. She nearly knocked Gina off the arm of the chair that they had been using as a seat. Nini never wanted to let go as Gina held her tightly to her body, letting out the softest sound. “I missed you.”

They didn’t remember they weren’t alone until Carlos shouted out, “Get a room!”  
They quickly untangled themselves as Nini squeaked, “Hi guys! Don’t worry, I saved enough love for the rest of you!”  
The last person Nini got to was Kourtney. After hugging her best friend, Kourtney looked Nini in the eyes. “Ma’am, while I’ve certainly missed you, I think there’s someone you have a little more than hello to say to.” She pushed Nini in Gina’s direction, who was hovering in the kitchen’s doorway, smiling at the reunion.  
The group shuffled back to their seats, giggling and looking over their shoulders. They got right back to the game of Spicy Uno. Seb played a 7. Before the card hit the pile, Carlos let out an exasperated sigh, “Thank god, honey. I’ve been trying to listen! Thank goodness it’s a 7- now you guys have to shut it!”

In the kitchen, the two had not stopped looking into each other’s eyes. It’s like they were frozen in time. Or perhaps they were hoping time would stop, so they could have this moment forever.  
Nini started talking first, and she couldn’t stop the words from pouring out.  
“Gi, you make me feel like I can be myself with you. Like we can be an _us_ \- Gi and Ni - without my whole identity being ‘gini’. You’ve taught me so much about strength, about challenging myself, and about valuing my talent as an individual. You make me want to be better for myself. Because I see your talent and your strength and would never want you to give that up. I live to see you shine, radiating celestial brightness, and you’ve never stopped encouraging me to do the same. You foster the little fire that lives in my belly. But now there’s a different fire there, too. and when I see you it goes hot and I can feel my cheeks going red. Yet all the rest of the chaos goes quiet. It’s just me and you. But i don’t know what comes next and it scares me. I’m at YAC and you’re here. I know there’s spring break and you’re coming for the showcase. But I don’t know. I’ve always done what’s comfortable. I’m cowardly in that way but you make me wanna be brave. Gina Porter, I’m in love with you.”

Gina brought their hands to Nini’s face, cupping it as she leaned forward, leaving just inches between them. “Oh my small girl, we’ll figure it out. All I know is that after a life of things that felt like they would never slow down, my feet are finally planted. I’m grounded. Here. With you. Nini Salazar-Robers, I’m in love with you, too.”

Nini’s breath hitched. She couldn’t believe this was real. Gina was in front of her, looking at her and holding her. She felt the tears begin to form. She finally found her words after what felt like forever. “Before I become a crying mess, will you just kiss me already?”  
Gina cracked that soft smile, the one that made Nini melt, and pressed their lips against Nini’s. _Yeah, they were definitely going to figure this out._


End file.
